DEAR DEIDRE: THE sexual chemistry I have with my lover is insane.
His manhood is very impressive and I often find myself fantasising about us together, even when I am with my fiancé.
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I am a woman of 26 and my fiancé of two years is 27. I am very much in love with him but our sex life is mundane — always the same position, with the lights out, making no noise as we live in a house-share with his mates.
I want more excitement. I have brought toys into the bedroom but my fiancé isn’t into that.
He isn’t that well endowed either and I no longer look forward to having sex with him.
I connected with an older, married man at a barbecue at my parents’ house after lockdown ended. He is 40 and one of their neighbours. We got on and chatted all evening. We swapped contact details and kept messaging. We told one another stuff we like in bed. It was insane, really. He likes all the same things I do.
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He asked me to meet him for a drink and I felt like a teenager getting ready to go out. We went for lunch and then a riverside walk. Suddenly he turned and kissed me, and it was electric.
There was no opportunity to take things further then but we’re going all the way daily with messaging and videos. I know it’s wrong of me but I want him so badly. He would satisfy me in ways I can only imagine. I love the excitement and tension between us.
He is desperate for us to meet again and I fight a mental battle with myself all the time.
We just want to rip each other’s clothes off constantly. I really do love my fiancé but I need this satisfaction that I am just not getting with him.
DEIDRE SAYS: Online sex is revving up your desires and that can blind us to common sense. But getting involved in a full-on, physical, real-life affair would bring all sorts of dangers and is very unlikely to end happily.
Your online lover is married and would probably choose to stay with his wife after having a fling with you.
Your fiancé would probably discover you are cheating and either break off your engagement or never trust you again. You would also risk transmitting the Covid virus, of course.
Stop the online sex and block your lover. Don’t blame your fiancé for your dull sex life – instead, take the initiative and liven it up.
If he is inhibited by his housemates, make a game out of how much you can excite one another while being silent – that in itself can be extra arousing. But also look at whether just the two of you can organise to share a flat.
My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will give you ideas to try out with your fiancé. If nothing works, then maybe he really isn’t the right man for you long-term . . . but I’m sure your married lover isn’t either.
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