My wife says sex with her ex & another man was rape, I say it was a threesome

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife told me she was raped while with her first husband but I think she voluntarily had a threesome and doesn’t want to admit it.

We’ve been married for five years. I’m 35 and she’s 32. When we started dating she said her ex-husband watched her having sex with another man when she was still a teen. She said it was rape.


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I was horrified but recently she let slip when drunk that she was raped twice – that another time she was forced to give her ex-husband’s pal oral sex while her ex watched, then he had sex with her.

She said this happened when she was 19 but they didn’t marry until she was 22. Is she being honest?

DEIDRE SAYS: I believe so. We now understand more about how coercive control can destroy a victim’s free will. Your wife complied with her partner’s demands at the time but now sees it was rape. The law understands coercive control and would agree.

You can both find understanding through Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk/ 0808 802 9999).

I’m answering your problems live via Skype on ITV’s This Morning from 10.30. Call 08000 304‎044.

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