Therapy for a Jets fan: ‘I can’t take it anymore’

Jets fan, you’re next. Come on in.

I’m Dr. Coz. I’ll be your therapist today. Take a seat. You can take that bag off of your head. This is a safe space. What’s on your mind? Just remember, I charge by the hour.

JF: I can’t take it anymore, Doc. This team is going to kill me. Did you watch it on Sunday? The Dolphins, the stinking Dolphins, embarrassed us. Ryan Fitzpatrick threw two interceptions and it did not even matter. The defense stinks. The offense is worse. They ruin my Sundays. They are 0-6 and might go 0-16, but they’ll probably screw that up and win a game so we don’t get the No. 1 pick.

DC: I see. Well, is there any way things could get better?

JF: They could start by firing Adam Gase. That would at least let me know the Johnson brothers are actually watching these games. Every time the camera shows him, he is scribbling on that damn play sheet. You know what I’d like to do with that red pen of his?

DC: OK, calm down. We don’t condone violence here. What if you took the rest of the season off from the Jets? Maybe you could watch the Red Zone channel or the other games?

JF: Oh yeah, that would be great. Then I could see Robby Anderson catching everything in sight for the Panthers. They told us the guy couldn’t run routes here. Now, he’s freaking Jerry Rice. Or better yet, I can watch the Seahawks and see Jamal Adams, the only good player this team has drafted in the last decade, star for Pete Carroll, who the Jets fired after one season. The guy has only won two national championships and a Super Bowl since then. Everywhere I look there are former Jets playing better than when they were here. Demario Davis has become Dick Butkus with the Saints. First game of the stinking season, Kelechi Osemele is pushing people all over the field and Cris Collinsworth could not shut up about how good he looked. What did he do here? Nothing. They got rid of him after three games.

DC: I hear you. That is tough. I’m not much of a football fan, but I’m amazed to see what Tom Brady is doing at 43 years old. That is inspirational …

JF: Stop! Stop! If I have to hear about the great Brady anymore, I’m going to throw up. Even worse, now whenever he leads the Buccaneers to a win, the announcers talk about how great Todd Bowles is as the Bucs’ defensive coordinator. Suddenly, he’s a great coach again. He took a four-year break from being a defensive genius with the Jets, I guess.

DC: I would think Jets fans would be happy that Tom Brady is no longer in their division.

JF: So would I, Doc, if the Jets were a competent team. This should have been when we were ready to take over the division. It is Sam Darnold’s third year. This is when everything should have been built up around him. There should be great receivers and a great offensive line. They should have a good defense and good coaching. Instead, I have to watch Josh Allen get all of that in Buffalo. The Bills are going to humiliate the Jets on Sunday and I’m going to have to hear from Bills fans about how they are the only real team in New York. Have you ever been to Buffalo? It’s Canada with chicken wings.

DC: Your friends don’t comfort you after Jets losses?

JF: Comfort me? Are you for real? Going to work on Monday morning is torture. I have to relive every stupid thing the Jets did the day before. The 28-yard sack. The 80-yard touchdown the defense gave up on the first play. It never ends. Sure, the Giants stink, too, but at least they look like an NFL team. If you’re a Jets fan, you’re a punching bag right now. Do you realize this team has not been two games above .500 since 2015, Doc? I have not seen a home playoff game since 2002. The Jets have not even sniffed the playoffs in five years.

DC: Maybe you should consider rooting for another team.

JF: I can’t, Doc. Maybe it’s a sickness, but I am loyal to this team no matter how bad it is. I froze in the upper deck at Shea in my Richard Todd jersey. I was there when Ken O’Brien threw for 479 yards and four touchdowns against Dan Marino. I suffered through the fake spike and Kotite and Doug Brien and Gholston and the Buttfumble and Geno. I can’t give up now … and have you seen this Trevor Lawrence kid?

DC: Are you sure he’s going to leave school?

JF: That’s it. I told my wife therapy wouldn’t work.

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