By Carolyn Webb
Helen O’Dare with the photo of her father and the mysterious bride, and the music box her father gave her.Credit: Justin McManus
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When Helen O’Dare first came across her father’s wedding photo, it was a bit of a shock.
She recognised her dad, Michael Patrick O’Dare, as the smartly dressed groom.
But the smiling young bride, wearing a lovely gown and veil, was not her mother, Paula.
Who was she? And where, and when, was this photo taken?
Helen had no idea. Sifting through government records and family documents yielded no answers.
And so she became one of many Australians turning to social media to help solve family mysteries.
The mysterious wedding photo: Helen O’Dare knows the groom is her late father, Michael Patrick O’Dare, aka Onslow Ashburton Trudgett. But who is the bride?
Helen, of Brunswick, said there was a strong response to the wedding photo to the calls for information she made on her Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts.
“Twitter was where it really took off, with over 200 retweets and 28,000 impressions,” she said.
Since she posted on social media in December, she has received more words of encouragement – which she welcomes – than firm leads.
But she’s still hopeful. Helen’s mother, Paula, died in 2008, but it was only in 2018, when Helen lost her job, that she had time to trace her father, whom she last heard from in 1971 when she was four years old.
‘It’s important for me to know the truth, and to know what the other half of me was, in terms of family.’
“It’s important for me to know the truth, and to know what the other half of me was, in terms of family,” she said. “We had no idea who this person was, who my father really was.”
Although it transpired that he was a criminal, an itinerant and generally “he lied so much about things”, she is glad she found out a few truths.
Michael was violent with Paula, but Helen does have good memories of her father.
Such as the night he woke her and presented her with a music box shaped like a scotch bottle, that played music from Swan Lake. She still has the toy.
And the day she saw the ocean for the first time, at Wilsons Promontory, when she clung to her dad to get away from the scary waves.
After the marital split, mother and daughter never saw nor heard from Michael again, but at their then home in the Dandenongs, he left behind a wallet, photos, documents and paraphernalia.
One bombshell Helen has learnt was that her father’s name – the surname he gave her – is fake. Among Michael’s belongings was a typed letter, purportedly from a relative in Narromine, NSW and addressed to Digger Trudgett – a name Helen didn’t recognise.
Helen sent a message to the Trudgett family’s Facebook page, which opened a portal for her.
Newly found cousins informed her that her father’s real name was Onslow Ashburton Trudgett, and he was born in Wellington, near Dubbo, in NSW in 1925.
On a 2018 trip to Dubbo, Helen was welcomed warmly by her Trudgett relatives. She had feared she wouldn’t fit in, but was “blown away” by their hospitality.
The relatives told her she descended from a black enslaved Mauritian and convict, Constance Couronne, and her husband, British convict Robert Trudgett. They raised nine children in Euchareena, NSW.
Helen O’Dare (back row, second from right) with Trudgett family members in 2018. Back row (from left): cousins Debbie, Maxine and Brendan. Front: aunt Coral (left) and cousin Lola.
Helen’s cousins told her that Onslow’s father was violent and beat him and his siblings with a rabbit trap.
There’s a photo showing Onslow hiding behind an older brother and wearing a threadbare jumper. Onslow’s mother left the family when the boy was three and had two children with her new husband.
Onslow’s father left to work as a shearer and Onslow went to live with his grandfather.
Throughout his adult life, Onslow was a drifter. Cousins told Helen how he would disappear for long periods. “The family were not sure if he was going to live with one of his women, or was in jail, on the run or working,” Helen said.
One family story – which hasn’t been verified – told to Helen by her aunt Coral – Onslow’s half-sister – is that the song The Crow, recorded by country star Slim Dusty, was written about Onslow.
Michael Patrick O’Dare (right) in Papua New Guinea in 1970 or 1971, shortly before he and Helen’s mother split up.
The song is the story of a smooth-talking stranger who lives it up at a country pub, at the publican’s expense, saying he’s waiting for a cheque to arrive. He then skips town.
In newspaper reports, Helen found criminal convictions for Onslow for petty theft and obtaining things under false pretences, including her father being dismissed from the RAAF in 1945 for impersonating an officer in Queensland and stealing a roommate’s chequebook.
In Brisbane court documents, on being charged for passing false cheques, Onslow was described as very plausible, talkative and a good romancer, and although he had never been out of Australia, he boasted of his successes as a pilot overseas.
Onslow was also reported in a NSW newspaper in 1950 as being jailed for stealing a coat, watch, shirts and cash from his brother, Robert.
“He seemed to do well at school in writing and reading,” Helen said. “He wasn’t stupid. I can only assume he discovered that he was good at getting things that he wanted and that just became his nature.”
It was Coral who showed Helen her father’s wedding photo with the mysterious bride.
An article from The Dubbo Liberal and Macquarie Advocate newspaper from April 22, 1950 about Onslow Ashburton Trudgett stealing from his brother, Robert.Credit: Trove
Onslow gave Coral the photo on one of his sporadic trips home. Helen had no idea her father had been married before.
“I was like, ‘Wow. That’s definitely not my mum’,” Helen said.
And neither Coral nor any other relatives recognised anyone else in the photo, nor when or where the wedding took place.
Coral told Helen that Onslow had once mentioned he had a girlfriend in Melbourne and a daughter, whom he affectionately called Whelan (which was Helen’s nickname), after the demolition company Whelan the Wrecker.
Helen, who is now writing a book about her family, has reason to believe that she has half-siblings – perhaps, for example, the children of Onslow’s mysterious bride – and wants to meet them.
A photo of two girls Helen O’Dare’s father left behind. Helen believes the girls could be her half-siblings.
Among the documents Michael/Onslow left with Helen’s mother in 1971 was a black and white photo of two young girls with hair in bows.
There was no inscription or label on the back of the photo. Helen said her mother reported that Michael/Onslow had told her the photo was of his two daughters before they married. That would make the girls Helen’s half-sisters.
But one of Helen’s Trudgett cousins told her that Onslow spoke of having “a son and a daughter” in NSW, not two daughters. Were there more siblings?
Helen chose not to trace her family via DNA. “I’m uncomfortable about a private company having that information,” she said. “And, I think, especially these days with the amount of hacking, there’s no guarantee that that information won’t be used in some way that’s detrimental down the track.”
Helen could find out little about her father’s later life, but a death certificate showed he died of lung cancer in Royal Adelaide Hospital in 1990 under the name Michael Patrick O’Dare.
The date of birth on the death certificate is 1923, but he was actually born in 1925. The address given is an Alice Springs transport company and there are blanks next to entries for marriages or children.
Helen wanted to put a plaque on her father’s unmarked grave in Adelaide, but the cemetery would not let her use both his names, so she’s considering what to do.
Constance Couronne, Helen O’Dare’s great-great-grandmother, who was a convict from Mauritius.
While finding her father’s resting place was a kind of closure, she is keen to meet her siblings “because we’re family and I’d like to get to know them”.
The desire to find unmet siblings is one that Jess James can relate to.
James, 38, was born in Melbourne but now lives in southern Queensland, and is among thousands of people turning to free social media sites for help in tracing long-lost relatives.
The sites include Reconnect. FREE, which has more than 70,000 members, and Aussie & UK Angels, which has over 50,000 members on its public page, and a number of private spinoff sites for sensitive topics such as adoption.
In November, Jess posted on Reconnect. FREE. asking for help to find her half-brother, Joshua (or Josh) James, whom she has never met.
“We have the same dad – Kenneth James, he rode a Harley and was a tattooist back then [in the late 1980s when Josh was born],” the post says.
“Josh would [now] be in his mid-30s, born in Victoria or NSW, Australia (I’m pretty sure) and he had blonde curly hair as a toddler.
Jess James and son Jaxon in 2016. Jess wants to find her half-brother, Joshua (or Josh) James, whom she has never met.
“That’s the only info I have on him unfortunately, never got to meet him and no longer talk to our ‘dad’ so unable to find out any more.”
Jess told The Age she used social media because it “connects the most people”, and she was encouraged by seeing others find long-lost relatives.
However, people who were nominated as possibly being her brother turned out to be the wrong person.
Jess James said she wants her three children – aged 20, seven and four – to know their uncle. Although there is no guarantee they will get along, “I think it would be a load off my shoulders because I’d know he’s there”, she said.
“Whether he wants anything to do with me or not, that’s up to him, but just to find out who he is, would be amazing.
“To have that chance to possibly have another family member and have an uncle for my kids, I’d be willing to take that risk.”
Ruth Graham, the chief executive of the Society of Australian Genealogists, advises those using social media in a search for lost loved ones to use caution and have “tempered expectations”.
The sites have good reach and can provide good support, clues and sources of advice, Graham said, and the prospect of reunions could be exciting.
But for the party being sought, photos and information online can be confronting because they can revive issues and secrets that the seeker might not be aware of, such as a parent fleeing a violent partner, or difficult conversations for subsequent family.
“It could be quite painful to bring all that up,” Graham said.
Reconnect. FREE. administrator Vig Westrzak estimated the site had helped made more than 5000 matches in nine years of operation.
Westrzak, who doesn’t use her real name on the page for security reasons, said sites like hers had the advantages of being free and easily accessible, and a variety of volunteers (“search angels”) could pitch in to help, including those with paid subscriptions to databases.
However, Westrzak said she and her administration team encouraged users to think before posting and to “look at the impact this can have on your life and those around you as well as those you are searching for”.
The risks included that “the person you may be searching for may have moved on and doesn’t want to reconnect”.
Westrzak said the site regularly suggested people contact support services “if they are struggling in any way”.
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