‘I wasn’t prepared for the seismic shift in our relationship’: Kate Lawler admits she and fiancé Martin were in the ‘worst possible place for a couple’ as they prepare to marry in seven weeks
Kate Lawler has revealed she and her fiancé Martin were in the ‘worst possible place for a couple’ as she details their relationship ahead of their upcoming wedding.
In a candid new interview, the Big Brother winner, 41, admitted that she ‘wasn’t prepared for the seismic shift’ in their relationship following the birth of their daughter Noa, 14 months.
However, the star told how her first week since quitting Virgin radio had already seen things dramatically improve with her fiancé and her daughter, with Kate and Martin now happily looking forward to their nuptials in June.
Ups and downs: Kate Lawler has revealed she and her fiancé Martin were in the ‘worst possible place for a couple’ as she details their relationship ahead of their upcoming wedding
The 2002 Big Brother winner, presenter, DJ and author, had her first child Noa 1last February after insisting for a long time she never wanted to be a mum, while her partner of nine years Martin, known affectionately as Boj, was ‘desperate’ for kids.
Speaking to Kate Thornton on her White Wine Question Time podcast, Kate explained: ‘Since we became parents our relationship has changed so much. I want to say for the better, but sadly we both know, and we’re acutely aware of this, that we haven’t prioritised our relationship at all and we know that we need to take steps to improve it.
‘We’re getting married in two months and we’ve actually had like the hardest year as a couple so far.
‘But we know it’s because we became parents and your life changes monumentally when you become parents.’
Changes: In a candid new interview, the Big Brother winner, 41, admitted that she ‘wasn’t prepared for the seismic shift’ in their relationship following the birth of their daughter Noa, 14 months
She continued: ‘I wasn’t prepared for the seismic shift in our relationship. I thought it would change my life, me personally, but I didn’t think about how much it would effect us as a couple even though I had friends giving me advice saying “look you’re both going to say things you don’t mean, you’re both going to be more tired than you’ve ever been before”.
‘We went out for a curry the other night because I pointed out that since Noa was born a year ago we’ve only been out on our own on a date twice. It’s not good enough.
‘I can’t be bothered to put on make-up and find something to wear. I want to sit in my pyjamas and read a book.’
She went on: ‘We’d only been out for our anniversary in June, four months after Noa had been born…and we spent most of it looking on the monitor like “ooh, is she ok?”. His mum was babysitting. So the last week has been great.
Improvements: However, the star told how her first week since quitting Virgin radio had already seen things dramatically improve with her fiancé and her daughter, with Kate and Martin now happily looking forward to their nuptials in June
‘We’re talking, we’re communicating. We’re just better with each other.’
Last month, Kate told how Boj, who proposed back in 2018, had brought them couples therapy in a bid to start their marriage on ‘right foot’.
Speaking about the effect it has had on their relationship, she said: ‘It was Boj’s suggestion that we start couple’s therapy, and I can’t recommend it enough because it’s really helped us. She’s given us tools that we’ve applied when it comes to that feeling when an argument is brewing and you know that you’re going to go down a road that’s going to lead to anger and shouting.
‘I felt really bad saying this to Boj… but part of the reason I didn’t want a kid was because I was so scared of what it would do to our relationship. I feel that he knew that when arguments were brewing over the last year and I’d say “this is why I knew we shouldn’t have…”
Honest: ‘Since we became parents our relationship has changed so much. I want to say for the better, but sadly we both know, and we’re acutely aware of this, that we haven’t prioritised our relationship at all’
Motherhood: I wasn’t prepared for the seismic shift in our relationship. I thought it would change my life, me personally, but I didn’t think about how much it would effect us as a couple’
‘And I hate myself for saying that because it’s horrible for him to hear it, for me saying “I knew that it would do this to us, I knew it would break us, I knew that we would end up resenting each other”, and falling out and becoming like distant and being in the worst place possible for a couple who are about to get married.
‘But we’re coming out of the other side. We know what we need to do and we’re trying to make sure that at the bottom of this, that us going into our marriage we want to start on the right foot which is why we decided therapy would be the best route for us.
‘And we would just focus on spending more time together as a family, and less time on our phones and less time working in the evenings when we’re supposed to be having that quality time together.’
She added: ‘I’m focusing on the wedding now. It’s all about just spending the next two months, doing as little work as possible just to take a little breather and make sure that I’m happy on my wedding day. I don’t want to feel like I’ve been feeling on my wedding day – I want to be a happy bride.’
Better: But we’re coming out of the other side. We know what we need to do and we’re trying to make sure that at the bottom of this, that us going into our marriage we want to start on the right foot which is why we decided therapy would be the best route for us’
The radio DJ’s interview with Kate came after her first week of having time off after leaving Virgin, with the star noting that her partner noticed a difference in her.
She said: ‘I had therapy I think it was on Wednesday and she said to me “don’t worry if you don’t feel different straight away, it might take a bit of time for you to re-adjust to your new life with not doing the radio”.
‘But I can already, within a week, I know I feel better and that I feel like I can breathe, and I feel happier and me and Boj are better. I’ve just had such a great week with Noa, and I’ve not had any child care this week because Boj’s mum has been on holiday.
‘But even without childcare I’ve loved every minute. Six months ago I wouldn’t have been able to say this because I was in such a mess and I never thought I’d be happy again and I never thought that I’d spend a day with Noa where I didn’t cry.
Main focus: ‘I’m focusing on the wedding now. It’s all about just spending the next two months, doing as little work as possible just to take a little breather and make sure that I’m happy on my wedding day’
‘I was very naive in thinking that being a parent was not a full-time job. I used to mock my twin sister. I was so mean to her. She would say “I’m a full-time mum” on her Facebook page and I was like “you take your kids to the park”.
“I had no idea what being a parent entailed. I said ‘oh you just sit at home and take your kids to the park’. But it is so full on and demanding.
‘But I feel like it’s paying off already because I’ve had a great week with Noa and I’m spending quality time with her.’
She added: ‘I was wrong about not enjoying hanging out with kids. I genuinely thought I would not enjoy being around Noa as much. I promised myself I would never go to a parent and baby group, and I went to one on Wednesday and I f***ing loved it.’
Impending: Meanwhile, with her wedding fast approaching, Kate took to her Instagram stories on Thursday to share further details about her big day during a Q&A
Exciting! The beauty revealed how she’s tying the knot on June 11 at an East London venue, with her darling daughter acting as a bridesmaid
Lovely: Kate also revealed that she’s turned down a magazine deal, that they’re having a non-religious ceremony as they’re both atheists and that Noa and their dogs will be joining them on the second part of their honeymoon
Meanwhile, with her wedding fast approaching, Kate took to her Instagram stories on Thursday to share further details about her big day during a Q&A.
The beauty revealed how she’s tying the knot on June 11 at an East London venue, with her darling daughter acting as a bridesmaid.
Kate also revealed that she’s turned down a magazine deal, that they’re having a non-religious ceremony as they’re both atheists and that Noa and their dogs will be joining them on the second part of their honeymoon.
Elsewhere on Thursday, the mum-of-one proudly showed off her C-section scar and revealed she had no plans to remove it.
Proud mum: Elsewhere on Thursday, the mum-of-one proudly showed off her C-section scar and revealed she had no plans to remove it
Motherhood: Kate gave fans a glimpse of her scar after she wore special plasters to fade it slightly as it was raised, with the scar a proud reminder of ‘what the female body is capable of’
Kate gave fans a glimpse of her scar after she wore special plasters to fade it slightly as it was raised, with the scar a proud reminder of ‘what the female body is capable of.’
Alongside images, she wrote: ‘On February 11th 2021, I gave birth to Noa and it was such a magical experience. It was a planned, abdominal birth and I felt completely calm throughout.
‘The lights were dimmed, Boj was by my side, we had a playlist on of our favourite songs and the surgery went well with no complications. I was also very lucky to heal quite quickly, despite the multicoloured bruising, pain and discomfort for the first three weeks after birth.
‘I’m proud of my scar and will never remove it permanently as it reminds me of one of the most special days of my life. This tiny red smile that I catch a glimpse of every day in the mirror still makes me feel in awe of what the female body is capable of.’
Message: Alongside images, she wrote: ‘On February 11th 2021, I gave birth to Noa and it was such a magical experience. It was a planned, abdominal birth and I felt completely calm throughout’
Memory: ‘I’m proud of my scar and will never remove it permanently as it reminds me of one of the most special days of my life’
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