DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is having an affair with a man at her running club. They have sex at his house then go for a jog before ending at our house.
The worst part is I’ve only just forgiven her for her last fling.
I’m 38 and my partner is 36. We have been together for 12 years and have a daughter aged nine.
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We have a lovely home and I thought we had a happy family life too.
So my world was turned upside-down two years ago when I discovered my partner was cheating with a colleague.
She seemed genuinely remorseful and begged me for forgiveness. I thought about it and agreed to give our relationship another chance for the sake of our daughter.
Everything was going well until I noticed the flirtatious look she gave her new running partner at the end of a jog.
She has been training for a marathon so I hadn’t questioned the long runs.
But that one look made me doubt everything.
I followed her the next time she went out and was gutted to realise her “warm-up” was sex. Instead of meeting at the park, her rendezvous was at his house.
She stayed for an hour before emerging rosy-cheeked for a short jog. I felt sick and those unwelcome feelings of betrayal flooded back.
When I confronted her, she denied it all. But finally she admitted cheating for the past six months.
I love my partner but this has devastated me. I am scared it is my fault because I am not enough for her in bed.
I felt I had no choice but to move out. I’m renting a flat locally so I am close to my daughter.
I’m still having occasional sex with my partner. I am scared of being without her and still love her.
DEIDRE SAYS: While it is possible for you to trust her once again, that largely relies on whether she is willing to put in the work to win back your trust.
After her first affair, you didn’t deal with the reasons why. This is key.
You both need to work out if you can overcome this. If you can forgive and she can commit 100 per cent, the relationship can be saved.
But be sure of your decision to avoid getting hurt again.
Insist she cuts off all contact with this guy. Tell her this doesn’t mean you will forgive her but it shows she is serious about your marriage – and if she is sincere, you will think about it.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you. If you don’t get back together you can still be a loving and caring parent to your daughter.
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