DEAR DEIDRE: I HEARD a woman’s groans of passion in the background when I called my husband at work recently.
When I questioned him, he said it must have been the radio. But his manner was off.
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Then yesterday I phoned when he was driving home and this time I heard a female giggling. Once again he was obviously distracted.
I have a gut feeling he is at it with his ex.
We’ve been married for 12 years and this is my husband’s second marriage.
His ex is a right pain. She hassles him all the time, making up excuses for him to “pop around”.
My husband is 42 and I’m 39. His ex is 40 and she’s very insecure.
But now I am sure he’s up to no good after he pocket-dialled me, and I had the awful experience of hearing what sounded like them having very hot and sweaty sex. It left me feeling physically sick.
My husband walked in 30 minutes later, saying he’d been delayed at work sorting out some stock. He works at a car parts shop.
He went up for a shower and left his mobile on the side, so I quickly went through his messages.
I saw WhatsApp messages to his ex, telling her he still loved her.
When he came downstairs in his tracksuit, ready for five-a-side football, I started raging “You’ve been meeting HER”.
He replied, “Yes, whatever” and waved his hand at me, brushing me away. He then texted her — I know it was her as he did it in front of me.
I shouted at him to leave but he refused, yelling, “It’s my house. I’m going nowhere.”
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He’s so cold towards me now. I’ve moved into the spare room but he’s making no effort to talk.
I’d leave him but I’ve got two cats and I adore them. I can’t leave them.
DEIDRE SAYS: There might be an innocent explanation for what you thought you heard but he’s offering no such thing.
Before this happened, did you get along well? Did you enjoy quality time together? Did you have a happy sex life? If things were back as they were, could you improve anything?
He might be angry that you’ve looked at his phone. So don’t go down that rabbit hole, but in a quiet moment explain to your husband that you can’t live like this. It’s miserable for you both.
Tell him you’re going to find some counselling to help you to decide where you go from here, and urge him to join you. My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will show you where to find support.
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