DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband left the restaurant we were in on holiday to have a quickie with a woman he paid for sex.
He has cheated and flirted with other women throughout our eight-year marriage, but his latest betrayal takes insulting to another level.
He’s 58 and I’m 55, and this is a second marriage for both of us.
We were out one night having a meal in our Spanish resort, when out of the blue he announced he was having stomach cramps and said he would see me at our hotel.
As he left, he said I shouldn’t rush.
I felt like a real idiot sitting there all alone, but it was such a lovely evening I decided to take a leisurely stroll home. When I got home he was already in bed, reading.
I put two and two together the next day when a sex worker’s calling card fell out of his wallet.
He tried to deny it at first, but he has a history of cheating so I knew he was lying. It is not the first time I have been humiliated.
A couple of weeks after we got home he came out in an awful rash and was scratching his privates all the time. I knew what it meant, so he obviously didn’t use protection with this hooker.
I have heard other men shouting down the phone at him before — I assume they are the husbands of the women he has cheated with.
There is no physical affection between us any more. We only seem to speak to one another when he asks me what’s for dinner or wants me to pour his drinks.
I feel as though I am more like a live-in housekeeper than his wife. I can’t go on like this.
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DEIDRE SAYS: And neither should you. You have given your husband so many chances, but he always lets you down.
While your husband is entirely responsible for the choices he’s making, every time you, in effect, accept his infidelities, you add to his misguided belief that what he’s doing isn’t really a problem.
It is very hard to rebuild trust once broken. Tell your husband you need a radical overhaul of your life together and relationship. He has to be 100 per cent sorry.
But do also insist you organise some couple counselling. You can do it online and face to face. See relate.org.uk and tavistockrelationships.org.
My support pack Can’t Be Faithful will help. If he isn’t willing to invest in your relationship, ask yourself what you are getting from this arrangement.
It sounds very one-sided at the moment.
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