DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE we were on a week-long break-up my, boyfriend got somebody else pregnant yet he is the one who goes off on jealous rages.
I’m a woman of 32, my boyfriend is 29 and we’ve been together for three years.
Our sex life was great — he was energetic and eager to please me. But after sex he’d always ask me about my previous lovers.
I had a wild spell in my mid-twenties. I used to drink and party hard. Invariably I’d end up in bed with anyone who showed an interest.
It was only after a pregnancy scare that I curtailed my Friday night binges.
I’ve told my boyfriend that I’ve had seven lovers but it’s a lie. I’ve had more than 40. Every day I wake up terrified he’ll find out the truth.
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He always wants to know intimate details but I leave it vague as he has jealous fits. He compares himself to my exes during arguments.
We had a fight at the beginning of the summer, where he was accusing me of flirting with an ex when we were out.
He was being so ridiculous, I asked him to leave. We were only apart for one week but we both said we wanted to try again.
Since then another woman has turned up at our door saying she’s pregnant and the baby is his. He denied it at first, but now has admitted it’s true.
I was hurt but have accepted the situation as officially we weren’t together.
Still, since then he’s accused me of looking at other men and seeing someone else in secret.
It’s ridiculous.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m seeing numerous red flags. He is at best insecure, but from what you have written, his behaviour is more worrying. By constantly accusing you, he is trying to control you.
He is likely trying to divert from his own questionable behaviour. We all have a past and you should not feel scared that he will find out about yours.
This is aside from the fact that if the baby is his, he will need to accept he has, at the very least, financial responsibilities to the child.
Please think carefully about whether this man is right for you. If he is serious about making your relationship work, he will want to get help over his possessive behaviour.
My support pack Coping With Jealousy explains where you can both get help.
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