DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner flirts with every man she meets. Every man except me.
She drapes herself all over colleagues and all our male acquaintances and touches them suggestively — right under my nose.
I may as well be invisible to her. She makes me feel unwanted and unloved.
Blokes have even jokingly asked me how I handle such a “live wire”. It’s humiliating.
We’ve lived together for four years. I’m 29 and she’s 27.
I’m not the jealous or controlling type, and I’ve got no problem with my partner having male friends.
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What I can’t handle is how she acts around other men — both friends and strangers.
Whenever we go out, she openly flirts with guys. She flicks her hair, looks at them with her big doe eyes, giggles at their jokes and tells them how clever and funny they are.
She used to behave like that with me when we first met. Now, she’s gone cold.
She won’t even hold my hand in public.
In bed, she doesn’t like to cuddle or spoon.
After we have sex — which isn’t very often — she never wants to lie in my arms.
It’s like she’s saying “I’m available and interested in you” to other men, but not to me.
I’m not worried that she is cheating on me, or intends to cheat, because she isn’t hiding anything — she does this all in front of me.
When I’ve tried to talk to her about this, she says I’m being ridiculous and insecure.
She says she loves me, and I should know that, so she doesn’t need to make a big show of it all the time.
But I feel like she takes me — and us — for granted.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Some people are naturally flirty and don’t mean anything by it. However, it sounds like there’s more going on here.
Although your partner says you’re insecure, it seems she’s the one with the insecurity issue.
Her flirting sounds almost pathological.
Yet, once she’s in a relationship, she switches off affection.
This may well stem from the way she was treated as a child, or in another relationship.
She might not think there’s a problem but she needs to acknowledge your feelings too.
Try talking to her again.
Tell her that you love her, but that you need to work on your relationship together.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help.
Also give her my support pack about building self-esteem, or leave it somewhere she might find it.
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